When it comes to dating, normally we equate the amount of time it takes to call us, if at all, with our self love, self worth, our prettyness, our level of allure, interesting-ness, and the list goes on.
There are some that never wonder, so confident that they almost forget until they get the phone call, and then those who are so wrapped up, they literally hold the phone in their hands all day long, from yoga to subway, with the thought that letting it go might result in a missed phone call, or a mix up with voice mails, and then an inevitable “moving on the to the next”.
In highschool, there was no such thing as waiting. One day the shy but popular jock in class made it clear he liked me. That weekend while we were all out partying, as Nyc kids did back in the late nineties before ids were checked, we hooked up. The next week, he was my boyfriend, I was his girlfriend. There was no, “will he call?” 3 days waiting period,” I wonder what will happen, when I will see him” Well, mainly because we went to school together, so he couldn’t screen my calls, b/c there I was in home room every day. But back then things were just a given. We went on to date with ups and downs for about a decade after that. And then suddenly single for the first time all those years later, I did what a lot of girls do that have long term boyfriends growing up; I made up for lost time. I dated, something I had not just never done, but didn’t know how to do. Wait, only drinks, not dinner, why not? I don’t get it. Wait you took my number, but you didn’t call?? I didn’t understand. But living in NYC, you become a pro very quickly. The next person that I dated seriously would essentially happen (in theme), the exact same way as the first time it did when I was 17.
One night we met up for a drink as friends, but one drink turned into a 6 hour drink and dinner night out, and a, ‘whoa, didn’t think it would go down this way, but okaay’ mentality for us both. About a month later, without a “talk”, or a definition, or a will he call me, or how does he feel about me, he was just…my boyfriend. So both times it happened seriously for me it just happened, with out consequence, or worrying what could or would happen or how we felt about each other and what it meant; the climatic talk of any new relationship. Rather, they just were givens.
And yet, every time I have dated in between, small few month here, and there relationships, it’s always the waiting game. So far in that game, I’ve been a contestant many times, even once or twice a runner up…but never a winner.
Perhaps the only time it’s ever really truly real is when it doesn’t have to be defined by either party. It just is.
And yet until then, girls and guys will still wonder, and wait…..